There’s a huge chasm between how people appear, and who they really are.
Judging someone’s character can be tricky, especially when they’re all smiles and sweet words. But let me tell you, niceness can sometimes be a well-orchestrated facade.
You’ve got to dig deeper, look for signs that reveal a person’s true nature. Yes, it might sound like detective work, but trust me, it’s worth it.
In this article, we’ll unveil “8 signs someone isn’t actually a good person, even if they seem nice on the surface”. Stick with me, and you might learn a thing or two about reading people.
1) Too good to be true
We’ve all come across those people who simply seem ‘too good to be true’.
Brimming with smiles, sweet talks, and a seemingly caring attitude. But remember, appearances can be deceptive.
I’m not trying to make you cynical or suspicious, but if their niceness seems more orchestrated than genuine, it could be a red flag. They might be buttering you up for their personal gain or worse, manipulative motives.
Watch out for their behavior across different situations and interactions. Do they remain consistent or does the mask slip at times? Their consistency can reveal a lot about their real character.
Remember, being a good person is not just about being nice to someone’s face, it’s much deeper than that. It’s about consistent kindness, respect, and genuine care, not just when it’s convenient for them.
2) Disregard for Boundaries
Not too long ago, I had a ‘friend’ named Alex. Alex was the epitome of charm, always ready to lend a helping hand.
But after some time, I started noticing that he had a habit of crossing boundaries. Small stuff at first, like insisting on helping me even when I made it clear I’d rather do things on my own. Then, it escalated to bigger things—such as making decisions on my behalf without my consent.
Sure, on the surface, it seemed like he was just overenthusiastic to help. But deep down, it revealed a concerning lack of respect for my boundaries.
In hindsight, this disregard for personal boundaries was a glaring sign that Alex’s niceness was not coming from a good place. It taught me that a truly good person respects other’s autonomy and doesn’t overstep their boundaries, no matter how well-intentioned their actions might seem.
So there you have it. If someone repeatedly crosses your boundaries despite you making them clear, it might signal that they’re not as good as they appear. It’s not just about not respecting you, but also about them valuing their own desires over your comfort and autonomy.
3) Gossiping
Gossiping is often seen as a harmless, even fun, social activity, right? Well, not as much as you’d think. Regular gossip could actually be a red flag when it comes to someone’s true character.
Psychological studies suggest that those who indulge in frequent gossiping often have high levels of aggression, anxiety, or are desperate for approval. The need to constantly share or gather ‘juicy information’ about others can hint at their own insecurities.
So, even if someone is all sweetness and light to your face but loves to gossip about others behind their back, alarm bells should ring. Today, the subject of the gossip could be someone else, and tomorrow, it could just as easily be you.
A truly good person understands the value of people’s privacy and the potential harm that gossip can cause. They choose to engage in constructive and positive conversation, rather than indulging in destructive gossip.
4) Blatant Self-Centeredness
Being self-confident is one thing, but self-centeredness? That’s a whole other ball game.
We all know those people who can somehow turn every conversation back to themselves. They only seem interested when the spotlight is on them, their experiences, their achievements.
Sadly, this can sometimes be disguised by their well-rehearsed niceness. They might seem incredibly charming and engaging, but if every dialogue circles back to them, it could be a telltale sign of a self-centered character.
A good person, despite their accomplishments, understands the value of humility and takes a genuine interest in others. They listen more, talk less about themselves and encourage others to share their stories and experiences. If you notice someone constantly edging the conversation back to themselves, you might be dealing with a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
5) Unkindness to Service Staff
It’s a classic saying, but it really rings true – you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those who can do nothing for them.
You might have witnessed someone who’s ultra-nice when dealing with peers or superiors, but the moment they’re interacting with service staff – be it waiters, cleaners or delivery personnel – their demeanor completely changes. They might become rude, impatient, or even dismissive.
Honestly, it breaks my heart every time I see it.
This behavior is a clear indicator that their niceness might only be superficial, reserved for those from whom they can gain something. True kindness doesn’t pick and choose based on someone’s status.
A genuinely good person treats everyone with equal respect and kindness, regardless of their job title or position. So if someone isn’t as nice to the waitstaff as they are with you, it might be time to re-evaluate their “good person” status.
6) Not Standing Up for What’s Right
Once, I was involved in a situation where a colleague was being unjustly blamed for a mistake they didn’t commit. Everyone else seemed hesitant to defend them.
A person I highly respected kept silent throughout, even though they clearly knew the truth. Their silence hurt me more than the injustice because I had expected them to do the right thing.
This taught me an important lesson.
You see, a truly good person doesn’t just act nice, they have the courage to stand for what is honest and fair, even if it could be inconvenient or uncomfortable. If you notice someone choosing silence or neutrality in situations where they should really speak up, don’t be fooled by their cordial exterior.
Their choice not to support the truth when it matters most might be a key identifier that they aren’t as good-hearted as they present themselves to be.
7) Lack of Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what separates good-hearted people from those who just play nice.
Sure, someone can be polite, gracious, and charming, but if they can’t share in or understand your emotions, their niceness might be more superficial than sincere.
Look for their reactions when you’re going through a rough time. Do they show authentic concern and offer comfort? Or do they dismiss your feelings and brush them off?
Also, observe their attitude towards people who are less fortunate or those who are struggling. Are they dismissive or lack sensitivity towards them?
A lack of empathy is a strong sign that someone might not be as good-hearted as they portray themselves to be. Remember, no one can fake empathy long-term, and it’s in these crucial moments of emotional understanding that a person’s true character is revealed.
8) Consistent Unreliability
At the heart of every trustworthy and good person lies one main trait – reliability.
If someone’s always full of excuses and consistently lets you down, it’s a clear indication that their niceness may be just a facade.
Their consistent unreliability not only shows a lack of respect for your time and feelings but also reflects their inability to live up to their promises.
Never underestimate the importance of reliability in gauging a person’s character. A truly good person doesn’t break promises, and their word is their bond.