There’s a fine line between being assertive and being self-centered.
Assertive communication is about expressing your thoughts, while being respectful of others. But self-centered people tend to ignore this balance and focus solely on their own needs and desires.
In everyday conversations, certain phrases can showcase this self-centeredness quite starkly.
Let’s dive into these ten phrases often used by self-centered individuals.
1) I, Me, My…
We dive into the world of self-centered individuals where conversation often revolves around the self.
Self-centered people have a tendency of using a high frequency of first person pronouns – “I”, “Me”, and “My”. Whether it’s their experiences, their thoughts, or their preferences, the focus always swings back to them.
Think about it. It’s a common observation and many psychological studies support this – excessive use of first person pronouns can indicate a self-centered attitude.
When engaging in conversation, a self-centered individual may constantly steer the topic back to themselves, disregarding the input or experiences of the other party involved.
Be aware, if someone excessively uses these three small words, they might just be more self-centered than you initially thought.
2) But I’ve Done That Too…
Ever had a chat with someone and as you’re midway through sharing a personal accomplishment or story, they abruptly cut in with “But I’ve done that too”?
I recall one instance during a conversation with a friend from high school. I was sharing my excitement about completing a half-marathon for the first time when she chimed in, “But I’ve done that too, actually, I’ve done a full marathon.”
Not only did she not acknowledge my achievement, but she also promptly overshadowed it with her own. Self-centered individuals often engage in conversation in this manner, using others’ stories as a springboard to shine a light back onto themselves.
3) You Should…
“You should…” is a phrase commonly used by self-centered individuals. This phrase showcases their insistent need to impose their beliefs, attitudes, and solutions onto others, often without being asked.
Research in the field of psychology suggests that people who frequently tell others what they should or should not be doing demonstrate higher levels of narcissism. While advice can be helpful, insisting unsolicited advice onto others can often leave the receiver feeling disregarded and disrespected.
So next time you come across someone excessively using the phrase “You should…”, it might be worth noting. They might be more self-centered than initially perceived.
4) Enough About Me, Let’s Talk About My…
Self-centered individuals have an impressive knack for keeping the conversation spotlight pointed in their direction. Even when they seem to shift the focus, it somehow ends up back on them.
Consider this, you might be speaking to someone about your recent vacation, and they respond with “Enough about me, let’s talk about my trip to Hawaii last year.” This phrase subtly acknowledges that they’ve been dominating the conversation but sidesteps away from actually focusing on you.
Once again, the attention is skillfully redirected back to their experiences or their accomplishments. Masterful? Maybe. Self-centered? Definitely.
5) I Don’t Need Anyone’s Help
Self-centered people often think that they’re superior to others, which leads them to express a common phrase: “I don’t need anyone’s help”. They have a firm belief in their abilities and independence, often to the point of disregarding the worth or abilities of others.
This phrase roots within their inflated sense of self and disregard for other’s contribution. By refusing or downplaying help from others, they continue to feed their own self-importance.
A truly collaborative and empathetic mindset acknowledges the value of others’ input and assistance. However, a persistent refrain of “I don’t need anyone’s help” clearly indicates a self-centered approach to life.
6) I Know What’s Best for You
“I know what’s best for you” – a seemingly caring phrase, often has a different undertone when used by self-centered people. It’s not just an offer of advice; it subtly denies the other person’s feelings, perspectives, and capacity to make decisions.
I remember a dear friend who was in a controlling relationship. Her partner often used this phrase, not out of care, but to assert control, sidelining her feelings and preferences.
It’s worth noting that this phrase manifests self-centeredness coated in the guise of concern. It promotes the speaker’s perspective as superior, ignoring the personal agency and emotional state of the listener.
7) Sorry, But I Have More Important Things to Do
Deciding priorities is certainly personal, however, the phrase “Sorry, but I have more important things to do” carries a significant self-centered tinge.
I recall a time when I was in dire need of support from a ‘close’ friend to deal with a personal crisis. Despite knowing the gravity of my situation, I was met with this phrase. It wasn’t just a rejection of support, but a clear signal of the person’s self-centered nature.
Relationships are about reciprocity, a mutual give and take. However, when someone prioritizes their tasks as more important with blatant disregard to your needs, it’s a clear sign of self-centered behavior. Not only does this phrase communicate a lack of empathy, but it also highlights a lack of respect for other people’s time and needs.
8) I’m Usually a Nice Person
“I’m usually a nice person” – sounds charming, right? But quite often, this phrase is a paradoxical hallmark of a self-centered individual. It may seem that the person is trying to be modest or open-minded, but frequently, it’s simply a defense mechanism.
Self-centered people might use this phrase as a quick save-face tactic, trying to create a favorable opinion about themselves while overlooking their own shortcomings or wrongdoings.
It’s an interesting phenomenon – an attempt to control how others perceive their character, rather than honestly acknowledging their actions. And quite often, “I’m usually a nice person” is said right after saying or doing something not quite so nice at all.
9) You Wouldn’t Understand
Another phrase that self-centered people often resort to is “You wouldn’t understand”. This statement can be a ploy to keep the attention on them while concurrently belittling the understanding or experience of the person listening.
It adds an element of mystery, generating curiosity, thus keeping their listener engaged. On the surface, it may appear as a subtle acknowledgement of your difference in experiences, but it’s often used to create a one-sided conversation.
Constant use of this phrase creates an imbalance in the conversation and marks the presence of self-centered behavior. The statement effectively shuts down possibility of understanding or empathy from the listener’s end, keeping the self in firm focus.
10) No Offense, But…
The all too familiar phrase, “No offense, but…” is a classic in the arsenal of self-centered individuals. This qualifier gives them an open pass to say something potentially offensive or hurtful, under the guise of honesty or bluntness.
It signifies a disregard for the listener’s feelings and prepares them for a likely unpleasant statement to follow. The phrase acts as a disclaimer, thus absolving the speaker from the responsibility of the sentiment expressed thereafter.
True empathy and respect for others involve minding one’s language and considering the other person’s feelings. Resorting to “No offense, but…” points towards a self-centered attitude, focusing on broadcasting one’s own views, regardless of how it might impact others.